Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
