So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
