I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize