glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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