Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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