Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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