Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
