i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
