dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
