If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize