Say something about gay babies.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
