He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize