he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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