fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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