saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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