I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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