Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
