So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
