I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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