You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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