It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
