Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
