and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
