Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
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