I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
