it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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