Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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