ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
