we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
