The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
