I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm at about main and main street
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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