Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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