You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
The power of my boobs compel you
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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