Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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