I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
