All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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