I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
