last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I just forgot I was standing up.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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