UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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