I molested 6 butterflies tonight
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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