you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize