come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
