My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
