3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
