dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Found your dick twin last night
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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