I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
