Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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