you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
