you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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