Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
