is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize