the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
