Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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