you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
