note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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