so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
