So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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