She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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