If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize