If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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