everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
