she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
