all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize