I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
This girl is more easily done than said...
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
