after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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