there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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