We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
