she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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