is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
