i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
