Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Panties = found
Randomize
