and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
