if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
