I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
