The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
