2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
