Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
