New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
