Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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