he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
