I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
