That's when you crack a 10am beer
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
