Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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