The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
