People with herpes should wear stickers.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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