WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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