I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
