I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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