Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
