I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
