oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize