And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
