I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
