btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
