Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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