So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
