Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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