with your own penis?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
